dreams, passions, callings...

While preparing for the confirmation class that V and I are leading, I found myself challenged. This specific lesson is on callings, based off of God's calling Moses and then the excuses that Moses offered God. The workbook as a place for the students to write about their passions, spiritual gifts, and personality. In preparing I did the workbook questions in my own personal journal. What poured from my heart challenged me, surprised me, and leaves me wondering what God is up to. This is what came from the pen held in my hand, I call it, the words of my heart.

My passions as of late, which in time have been developing, are children and horses. If I had no restrictions of time or money, the group of people or the cause that I would chose to work with are foster children. I want to give them a home, love, and nurture. I want to use horses as a means of therapeutic love for them. In the perfect world, I would have a home full of children needing a home and a barn full of horses needing rehabilitation. Giving both horses and children the safety and nurture that they need.

My beloved V would say that I am passionate about my faith, broken people, horses, the country and farms, family, and children.

My Spiritual gifts, according to a inventory taken both in college and recently, say that my spiritual gifts are:
Shepherding
Teaching
Showing Mercy
How the three of these will combine, I am not sure.

My personality is one that loves people. I enjoy the interactions of relationships and long to learn how to love people better. I like a good balance of relationships and stimulation intellectually. I love to learn and am best to be around when I am learning something in my life (which is rather easy because aren't we all students?). I love leading, and organizing. I like to write things out: goals, lesson plans, or creating curriculum.

In the end, this is how my passions, personality, and dreams were summed up:

My passion is for the country. For farms, fields, dirt, horses, grass, and the community of rural people. I want to raise children in this kind of place, where they can run, roam, and rest. I want to give kids who have seen neglect, abuse, or have just not known the reality of love, the opportunity to be in a safe and caring place - where they can learn to dream, thrive, and be fully alive.

These words came to my mind as I shaped this dream in my head: Simplicity,good nutrition, gardening, relationships with animals and people, reading, education, play, rest, books, saddles and bridles, freshly baked bread, the twinkling of stars, and the sound of peepers on a spring night.

This is not what I had imagined for myself ten years ago, but I feel inspired and motivated to continue to pursue the dreams that God has laid out for my V and I.

Settling In

Tonight was my first night making pizza for dinner. I had helped Mom before but never done it on my own. So I was determined tonight to make homeade veggie pizza. It turned out really well and Vince liked it, so I would say it was a success.

I had a job interview today that I think went pretty well. I am anxious to hear from them how it went and if I have the job or not. I am learning more of what it means to be still and wait. As hard as it may be, I hope that it is teaching me of a deeper and abiding joy found in the presence of Christ.

My heart yearns for the country. I wonder sometimes when this will ever go away, will I always long for the country? Where my toes can sink into the garden while I weed away the things that threaten the food I am growing, where I can come home at night smelling like a bunch of horses, when I can teach the children who need me, and finally when I can share dinner my own family. I try to silence these thoughts, to push away my desire to be in the place where my roots go so deep. But they persist in coming back... Someday land of by being, I will be back home.

Gratitude

There is much happening in our ordinary life. As soon as I think that transition is over, it occurs again. Change brings amazing new and beautiful things. But along with it comes pain and trial. My heart is learning to be still and wait upon the creator of all things, to trust in his faithfulness when all else is crazy, and lean on his wisdom.

Today I am grateful for:

Beautiful sunshine that fills the day with warmpth after a few days of cold rain.

The taste of coffee after so long of not being able to drink it.

Mornings that start with spending time in quiet in His presence with books by Peterson and Rauschenbush.

Pens that write smoohly and spill out the contents of my heart on a journal page, thus giving me peace.

The smell of things just cleaned.