Meandering Conversations

We walked today through the woods, pondering and discussing our future dreams and thoughts on life. My toe kicked acorns out of my path and at some points I stooped down and scooped them up, fingering their delicate designs. It has been two weeks full of changes, goodbyes, and new starts. We have embraced them together and our working through the state of transition as a team. Our conversation went up and down, I shared my hopes and visions for the future. Dreams of country sides, farm houses, and horseback riding.

We talked about writing, teaching, and what community looks like. I realized

the blessing of him. The ability to have someone hear my dreams and push me to continue on in them. His heart heard my heart. Maybe this is what embracing change looks like. Its a process of opening your heart, allowing oneself to be vulnerable to another despite the unknown future. With each difficult step, there is also the reward of being heard, supported, and loved.

We ended our hike through the woods with a conversation on how then do we live? We have journeyed after God, moving from our townhouse, to this lovely log cabin with my family, and now where are we to go? How do we take this radical calling to follow the way of love, faithfully loving the people on our path, finding the presence of God our simple everyday life, and hearing his voice whisper to us, into perspective? Reading, contemplating, conversing, writing, and sharing what we are learning doesn't seem enough.

And so we continue to journey, choosing the path of gratitude so that our hearts and lives can be open to the whispers of Christ.

Promises

After a day of settling in V and I were in Philadelphia for the weekend. It was great to spend time away and with family.

With classes beginning I am reminded of my love for teaching and my love for academia. There is a buzz in the air when its time to teach, a stir of excitement in my heart. These beautiful days remind me of the fall months of teaching in Huntingdon. I miss those days, students, and horses. But I am reminded today of the promise that new beginnings hold.

I'm learning that in life there are different paths that you can chose to take when faced with transition and change.

Change offers a few different paths for us to choose to walk. We decide to walk the path of resentment and bitterness or instead to walk the path of gratitude and transformation.

Shauna Nequiest in her book Bittersweet talks about change, saying that:

"If you dig in and fight the changes, they will smash you to bits. They'll hold you under, drag you across the rough sand, scare and confuse you. But if you can find within yourself, in the wildest of seasons, just for a moment, to trust in the goodness of God, who made it all and holds it all together, you will find yourself drawn along to a whole new place, and there's truly nothing sweeter. Unclench your fists, unlock your knees and also the door to your heart."

I am learning the lesson of that right now in life. Letting my desire for control and an ability to map out my life, fall by the wayside. I have no idea what God is going to do, what things will look like, I have dreams, inklings, and hopes. But its in His hands.

New Home

And so begins this journey that we have thought, prayed, and shared with many of you about in the last few months. On Wednesday we moved to this new place where we are living in community with family. It has been challenging to pack up our belongings and move out of a home that we had made our own. It was much harder to move away from friends who had been our support system for the last few years. And finally in many ways we said goodbye to the dreams that had in that time and place, knowing that God is calling us to where we are now.

I am excited, so excited about the possibilities that lie around the bend. We are trusting that things will continue to move ahead as we trust God to put the pieces together. This story is becoming a lot about trusting when its the most difficult and returning to the foundational values that we are made up of.

There will be much more story telling soon, I promise.

Goodbyes

With boxes packed, pictures taken off walls, and much cleaning to be done I realize that now the time is coming to say goodbye. I hate goodbyes. The tears, the leaving, and wondering if you are ever going to have that moment in time again.

As I was thinking about goodbyes I realized that its been almost a year since I said goodbye to one of my faithful friends. He was a four legged guy with the kindest face you have ever seen. He would whinny at the sound of my voice and push me with his nose until I gave in and scratched his neck. We were an odd pair, he was a big horse with a big step, and I'm petite and my legs seemed to barely wrap around his belly when I rode him. But our personalities clicked. We worked together as a team, sometimes it was frustrating and sometimes we had exhilarating

moments of where it was like we almost thought alike.

Sadly, one day his curious personality may have gotten him in trouble when he came in from the field with a hurt eye. It was a long series of events but eventually he just got worse and worse. The hard decision came and the best choice was for us all to say goodbye.

The last walk we had together was the saddest, with each footstep I knew that I was beginning to say goodbye and thank you at the same time. With many kisses and hugs, I told this faithful beast the hardest goodbye I have ever had to make to an animal. I thanked him for the years of friendship, the long trail rides through woods and fields, the hard work of the semesters of equitation in college, and finally for all the ways he rekindled my love for horses on a daily basis.

Its almost been a year now. For weeks on end I would listen for the sound of his whinny. I would wait to see his brown and white face peek around his stall. I hated being back by his empty stall.

With time it grew easier but there is still not much I wouldn't give for a canter across a field on his back. Hawkeye taught me how to say goodbye. He gave me time for closure, time to reminiscence of times gone by, and he waited for me to hug and kiss him before he left our world.

Every time I face a goodbye, I think of this special horse and what he taught me. To hold the bitter and the sweet memories. To reflect and remember. Now as we say goodbye to this city and this home, I remember Hawkeye.

I picked up this beautiful little book right before we went on vacation because I had fallen in love with Shauna's first book Cold Tangerines . I was excited to read this book because it was dealing with change, transition, and finding God in that. All these things are relevant and real things in my life.

Shauna did an excellent job communicating in this book. I love that the book is written in sections, kinda like essay's. There were thoughts about the mishaps and pain in Shauna's life but also the wonder and the beauty of God in our everyday life. She encourages people to see the reality that life is a mix of sorrow and joy. Sometimes the sorrow seems to out wait the joy.

Pick up this book, its full of spiritual truth, great stories, and questions to ask yourself about who you are and what you are doing in your life.

Enjoy this book my friends!

Faithfulness in Change

I used to hate change. Well, honestly sometimes I still do. I am learning the depth and the beauty of change though and this time around its scary and exciting. More importantly it is what God is calling me to in this season.

I fight against control, I want to have things spelled out in an outline, to see what is in front of me, or at least to know how to get to what I want. This time I can't. All I know is that I have to move forward, even if it is one step at a time. Its frustrating, almost infuriating sometimes, the fear seems to rise up in front of me and I have to face it head on.

Every step I seem to move forward though, even if its only an inch at a time has been greeted by faithfulness in provision. Maybe is a kind word. A job interview. Or someone who has faced similar fears. God has always given us what we need for the next step. His heart is continually showing its goodness to me, his desire for goodness in my life is realized.

The steps this week have been filling cardboard boxes with books, clothes, all the things that make our house home. We have moved forward making plans. A bit of dreaming.

We have been greeted by faithfulness. And a Father who keeps showing us the heart of his love. Its a beautiful sight to behold. Maybe it had to happen through change.

Back!

After a week spent up north, where time is slower, the days chillier, and the food so delicious you never want to stop eating we have arrived home.

This week will hold lots of change, dreams to be dreamed, plans to be made. I am so excited. You have no idea!

I return to gratitude first, remembering the things I am grateful for.

Baby kisses from little nieces.

Returning to family memories and stories, locked inside precious trinkets.

Laughing until stomaches hurt about childhood mishaps.

God's faithfulness in provision.

Great Books! I read this beautiful book and started another book from my favorite author.