Being the Broken

When I was sorting through some books deciding which to get rid of (not very many!) I came across this book that V and I purchased earlier in the summer. The book is called Making Poverty Personal and is looking at the way that the Bible views those who are in poverty. I have only read the forward by Shane Claiborne and the introduction by the author Ash Barker and already my heart is broken.

Almost five years ago my heart began to break as I worked with people who had been devastated by hurricane Katrina. For the first time I saw what poverty looked like and realized that it wasn't always by choice that someone ended up in the situation that they were in. I learned of how fast one's circumstance can change and how little can be done to make things "better." From this time on I could feel God beginning a work in my heart. Little did I know that in a few years I would be teaching special education classes that had children from homes that were not in the best financial states. I felt the pain and joy of the children I worked with, gave many hugs and high fives, and in the end found that these children had changed my life.

Since then we moved to this new place and I began to wonder what opportunities God would plant in my life. I learned of my love for children and my heart for children who needed the love, support, and stability of a home and family. V and I began to talk of what it would look like to have foster children and a dream planted itself in my heart. Now as we talk of the changes that are about to take place in our lives, pack away our posessions, and rid ourselves of things we don't need I found myself distant from the dreams of offering healing to broken people. Then I randomly picked up this book.

Within three paragraphs I could feel my heart breaking again, an awareness of God speaking to me through the words penned by Shane. He writes in the forward "I have grown to love the kind of Christianity that is about loving people out of the hells of this world, not just trying to get them into heaven." Echoing words of my soul. Shane continues to write saying that "God is in the business of rescuing people from the hells they experience on earth, and God is asking us to love people out of those hells. God is asking us to taste the salt in the tears of the broken, to hunger for justice with the starving masses of our world, to groan with all creation in the birth of the kingdom of God. God is asking us to make poverty personal." Sometimes, in the midst of chaos, church politics, and the unknown future I forget about the hell I was redeemed from. I forget about the burning in my heart for the broken. And of the God whose heart of love for people is greater then my comprehension.

I wonder where this book will lead. I wait for the whispers of my rescuing Savior. And in the mean time focus on following His heart as I pack up our home.

A Quiet Place for the Soul

As soon as I arrive at my Mom's house there is always one place that I want to go. For some people this might be their room, Mom's kitchen, or to the family room to catch the latest sports scores. Not me. The one place I want to go is the barn.

I wander down the driveway, past the pond where there used to be a family of geese. Thank goodness they are gone. They used to try and make the walk from the house to the barn a living hell for me. I can already anticipate what the barn will be like. The sights, smells, and the sound of my horse's greeting me. As I round the corner I see them waiting for me already. Heads hanging over their stall guards, I hear whinnies and nickers, horse's awaiting someone to come and fill their buckets with grain.

As I run my fingers through the bay's forelock and kiss her soft nose I know I have come home. My fingers don't have to wait to be told, I immediately start scratching and rubbing this beast in front of me. The smell of hay and sawdust fill my nose, I welcome the smells, I am used to it enough that I don't consider horse's smelly.

When I am not around my own horse's or have my own barn to meander through I think about the experience of having horse's on your own property. There is nothing like it. It brings a sense of home for me, a rhythm to daily life, and being around these gentle giants brings peace to my soul. If you have had horses then you know exactly what I am talking about.

Knowing that this brings quiet to my soul in a chaotic world and V loves being in the country, we move forward into the future praying for this dream to come true.

Book Review: How Much is Enough

I picked up Arthur Simon's book How Much is Enough? at a book sale in Maryland a few weeks ago. It got my attention from its title and the questions that are raised from it. Simon asks some of the questions that have been on my heart for quite some time now. He raises issues with the some of the ideas of American Culture and questions their Kingdom value.

This book proved to be a good read, I enjoyed the content, it wasn't the most challenging academic read that I have had but I enjoyed the flow. Simon does a lot of citing other sources in the book and telling the stories of those who have lived simple lives. I enjoyed hearing all the different stories and having a better understanding of the spiritual lives.

Reading this book has renewed my love for people. I have come to a deeper understanding of the ways in which people might reach poverty, most of the time it isn't by choice or by lack of effort. In reading this book I found within myself this desire to open our house and hearts to foster children. To not just talk about the need for change but to take actions necessary for change. In the last few years God has been laying this on my heart, I've been discovering this desire again and again. Who knows where it might lead.

Simon quotes Richard Foster in one of his chapters talking about how simplification of life is not done just because but out of a love for God and man. He quotes Foster as saying "The Christian life comes not by gritting our teeth but by falling in love." Beautiful.

If you are curious about some of the influence of a materialistic society and how that might influence our ordinary lives then I recommend that you pick up a copy of this book. You can also get it here.

Gratitude Overflowing

After a full week and weekend I am full of thankfulness despite being tired. Here goes the things I am most grateful for:

A husband who helps me figure out blog buttons and layouts.

Family who dreams right along with you.

Phone calls from good friends who live miles away.

The peace of stepping out in faith to follow a God of goodness.

Beginnings, the Middle, and Endings

Every story in life has a beginning, middle, and an end. I am convinced of the same in life. We move through seasons with them eventually ending, both literally through the year and symbolically in time. I think that we are arriving at an end right now and anticipating a future. There are many thoughts of excitement and preparation as well as uncertainty with how things will figure themselves out.

The beginning for us was our relationship together, in December we began life together in Chambersburg as an engaged couple. We have faced many joys together, dancing through the sheer bliss of our wedding, laughing with friends and sharing conversation over coffee's, we began the phase of graduate school on my end and V's job as a youth pastor with much anticipation. Arriving at the middle, we lived and learned. Our growth individually and as a couple was great. I learned that my true love is teaching and horses. Combined they bring me life and energy, its where I want to be. V learned where his own passion lies in teaching. Now we are making choices that are leading to an end and another new beginning. Don't you love that there are plenty of new beginnings?

I have learned that there is much fear in our culture of the unknown. A sense of adventure is something in the rare as of late. As we move into an uncharted path, we realize that there is much uncertainty and we embrace that. My identity cannot be shaped in my life as a graduate student or employee. Placing my security in something other then my belovedness as God's child and living life from that is something I have grown in and have more growing to do. V and I have realized that we both desire family in our lives, not in the shape of children yet, but in sharing the ordinariness of life with those who have been a part of our lives from the beginning. The bond of parent and child; siblings; and those who are like family is underestimated.

I step forward, a bit uncertain of the ground, but trusting the voice that is calling to me in the distance. I know its a voice that I can fully trust. And so I move after His voice.

Fast Approaching

Putting words into actions isn't always easy. I am just beginning to learn the power of this. Today begins a whole new adventure into the unknown.

Its good. Scary. Totally crazy. and worrisome. But we are being led by one greater then us.

Even in times of chaos and uncertainty, I am reminded that gratefulness is a choice that I can make daily. Even when its not easy.

Today, I am grateful for:

Early morning coffee with a friend, sharing the uncertainties and joys of life.

A clean house.

Weekends in the country with riding horses through fields and woods.

Conversations with a Mother who has become one of my closest friends.

The faithfulness of an Abba even when I don't know what tomorrow might bring.

Dreams, hopes, and anticipation of future days.