Catching Up

With a cup of earl gray tea steaming from its mug sitting next to me on the table, I am going to take a minute to fill you in on the happenings within our lives.

The last few weeks have been the beginings of a life together, times of frustration and adjusting, as well as times of laughter and joy. We have enjoyed looking through the pictures of the wedding that have been posted on facebook and look forward to the pictures yet to come. We have encountered great generousity in opening the gifts and cards from all of our friends!

The pictures that are posted are from our honeymoon, at the bed and breakfast that we stayed at and then a picture of hiking the grand canyon.

And this is from the beautiful PA Grand Canyon that we were able to hike part of one day!

So begins this new life....

It was a beautiful. All that we could have hoped and imagined. The occasion was joyous. We were surrounded by faithful friends who had traveled from far and near. We were met with parents who offered us their love and support. Words can't explain it all today so I am going to post a few pictures that our photographer, Rodney Cool took.

We are currently on our honeymoon. Vince is still sleeping soundly. Its been a really nice time away, we are in Wellsboro, PA which is close to the PA Grand Canyon. Were staying at a french bed and breakfast in the middle of town, I have pictures on the camera but not uploaded yet. Soon to come.

After the wedding, I've been thinking about the relation of Christ to the church - the sacred marriage that forever brings together Christ and His people. From the moment of walking down the asile, to the first dance, where I was held in the arms of my beloved, to the joy found in the fellowshipping of the people I can't help but think about the great marriage feast. What we tasted in our wedding was only the beginning of something which will be much greater when we are celebrating our marriage to the lamb.

And so, as I make vows to my husband, to be his loyal companion and lover until death. I too renew the vows to Christ, my Savior and my God. I give myself to him again, promising my heart to be his and walking in his ways.

Finally...

Another season has almost begun. Have you ever ventured out on a day right before spring, its when the winter has almost passed but spring still hasn't fully come. I stepped outside the other morning and I could smell spring in the air. It smelled new, fresh, clean, and of sunshine. The time between the seasons is symbolic of the season that I am in. Its this few days of just waiting, settling in, and letting all the preperation work its way out.

My heart beats in anticipation of what is to come. I look forward to the weekend spent with friends and family, the time celebrating this beautiful friendship that has turned into a lasting love, and the beauty of begining a marriage. Our home is in the midst of being settled. I have left the waiting boxes and the muddy floors beaconing to be cleaned to settle my soul.

The soft yellow walls invite the feelings of comfort and peace, the windows let in the sunshine and the spirit of cheerfulness; creating this place that we begin to call home. Sitting at a desk, surrounded by the books that have been my friends for years, having the pictures of my smiling friends and majestic horses, create in me the settledness that I have missed these last few months. The candles await their lighting and the mugs in the cuboard are asking to be filled with coffee and tea. This is our home. Our sanctuary. Our place of rest. Slowness in a chaotic world. Community in a world bent of being individual.

And I just can't wait to begin in the wonder of this ordinary life.

A Distant Music Begining to Swell

It stood, still in the bag that had kept it clean and away from the dust, dirt, and moths that had been ready to attack its beauty. It was stark, glimmering in the light, awaiting my presence. But I wasn't ready to go to it yet, not ready to put all the folds of beauty upon my body. I wanted to wait awhile, just gazing and beholding what would wrap itself around me when I met my beloved.



I moved towards it, tiptoeing across the floor, reaching my hand out towards it and brushing across the ivory fabric. Finally I was ready to put all the folds of satin on. Lifting my arms, the dress slipped onto my body, I squirmed until it fit itself in the correct spot. I lifted my blue eyes, soft with wonder, to the mirror and smiled at what I saw. This was a hint, a taste of what my beloved might see the afternoon that waited ahead of us in anticipation. This simple, but elegant dress made me smile from head to toe. I felt beautiful, exquisite, and ready to meet the one I loved.

I wondered what my beloved would think. What would his eyes behold when we saw me for the very first time? When my steps made their way down the aisle of the church, what thoughts would be going through his head? Would he see the beauty of the dress in the same way that I had? Would the folds of satin and sheer enrapture him, like it had done to me when I saw it for the very first time?


As the seamstress wove her hand through the material, adjusting the length and the fabric, pinning things here and there, I found myself continuing to think about this dress. All of this thinking and dreaming, trying on and seeing how it fit brought me to a great field of thoughts. It was as if in the moments of trying on this wedding dress that I was in fact trying on my new life, if only for just a minute. I kept thinking about what my beloved would see, think, and feel as we entered into this life together. As these adjustments were made, I reflected upon the last few months of transitions and preparations for this life to come. Like the seamstress pinning, tucking, and letting out, my beloved and I were making adjustments in our own lives. Learning each others quirks and then letting them be, seeing the needs that we had and then letting them be met, laughing as we reflected, dreamed, and hoped for the future.



I sighed, enjoying the last minute with the dress before I had to take it back and return it for the last few changes before our afternoon of celebration. Excitement rippled through me. Another step in the process of growing closer to my beloved. I had an opportunity to catch just a glimpse of what the future might be like with the one I loved. Like my dress, it was not perfect, it had to be hemmed, taken in, and let out in different places to fit me. Our life too would have to transition and change as we began to live our life together. Together, my dress and my reflections held promises of great things to come...

Home is where the heart is, but what happens when you leave your home? Is your heart supposed to stay at the place that had been its shelter for so long?

The chilly November air quiets my soul and leads me to reflect on the thoughts of home and its impact on my life. All this thinking concludes what I had begun to think was true. I wasn't sure where my heart was if the quote I began this post with is true. A sense of place is important in my life, I long for the sense of home; rootedness, beauty, and family. But my heart is still in the place I can no longer call my home.

I long for its quiet meadows, bubbling streams, and the laughing filled meals around the dining room table. If I close my eyes and make myself forget the last few years, then I can imagine that I am back on our beloved farm. The smell of freshly baked bread still hangs in the air as Mom and a few of the girls bustled around the kitchen getting dinner ready. I can feel the stinging cold's imprint on my cheek from the sharp winds of the winter as I would come in from doing the evening barn work. But with a deep sigh my eyes open, I realize that this is just a dream.

And I ache for my farm to be back in our possesion. To claim its land for generations to come.

Maybe a new place can be found in the heart for a new home. It will never be the same but it might make a difference. With that final thought, my trust deepens in knowing that this world is not our home.

Born Again?

I've realized in the last couple of years I've become really uncomfortable with some of the language that is used within the Christian circles. Some of this is probably due to the different light that I saw things in at school and some of it I hope is due to the growth in my own faith journey.

The other Sunday I walked away from church and I found myself frustrated with myself because I couldn't be okay with some of the language and the attitudes I found in the Christian circle. I wanted to be okay with it because it was easier, but it just wasn't happening. Sometimes I feel like there is such arrogance within Christianity, we call ourselves the best and the only religion with this attitude that I am ashamed of. Then we add this whole "you must be saved" language which only adds to the sheer arrogance. All of this just kind of simmered in my thoughts for the past week or so and then I found some stuff today that helped me to sort through all of those feelings.

I've been finishing the book The Lost Message of Jesus by Steve Chalke and he addresses the very subject that I find myself so uncomfortable with. Chalke says that:

"Jesus didn't come to tell people how to become Christians. He didn't even spend his time telling people how they could join the church. Rather, he came to show them how to be human. He encouraged people to follow him, to become his disciples, to get re-connected to God and other people. Salvation isn't about having the right labels, it's about becoming truly and fully human. Its about living the way that God has created us to live, in harmony with him, each other and with the rest of creation." (155)

I really like this. That is the Jesus that I find myself falling in love with more and more every day. Its interesting how Chalke refers to the way that Jesus wants to show us how to be human. Iranius once said that "the glory of God is in the man fully alive." If you think through the whole message of the gospels, you can see how much Jesus longed to help us discover ourselves and what it meant to be human. Through love, courage, tenderness, reaching out, and actually touching people even when the world said not to.

What would the world think if this was the Jesus that we portrayed to them? That we showed them the love of Christ by being able to give them a vision of who they could be. That with Christ in their life they would find more satisfaction and an abundant life. It allows you to meet people where they are at, it allows people to see life as a journey - with some always moving closer to Christ.

I want to be done with the dogma and silly rules. I just want to lead people to an understanding of who they are in Christ and his unending love for them.

I spent the weekend away again. Seeing my sister and her beautiful little baby. The baby is precious. I got to hold her for quite awhile, well, every chance that my sister would let me have her. At one point I was holding her, laying on the couch because I was really sleepy and figured that I would take a nap. Anyhow, I just watched her for a little bit and babies are incredible. She is so tiny, but everything is perfect. She has these long fingers that seem to long for her body and this tiny nose that is just adorable. I am gushing, I know but I can't help it. This baby is beautiful and cuddling her makes me realize just how much I love kids. They are some of the most precious gifts that are given on this earth.

The rest of the weekend I got to spend catching up with friends. Always a good thing, but this time it was bittersweet. Its hard to reconnect and then have to disconnect. I am not really sure what God's plan is in all this. I think its leading to something but I am not sure what that is. I just want to remain aware of how he is working, leading, and pruning so I can see his presence in my life.

How much do you involve yourself in someone's life? How much do you invest in a person and do you only let one person get really close to you? All of these questions have come up in the last couple of days in different discussions that are had and I am so torn on this. My instict is to love. I want to love people with all that I am. I know its not really my love, but the love of Christ flowing through me but I want to be able to effectively love people. In the book that I was reading, An Arrow Pointed to Heaven it talks about loving people so that you develop the ability to see beyond the first layer in people. Pass the "I am doing good" answer to what is really going on in their lives. I want to know my friends, not just their names and what they like to eat, drink, and watch but to know their hearts. To know their joys, sorrows, and the things that you want to share with people but most of the time you keep hidden deep inside. Is this overstepping the bounds that humans are supposed to take? Can I be able to mantain good friendships with both guys and girls knowing their hearts?

I think that I can. My desire is to love those around me and be able to care about them, to let them know a piece of Christ as we share our lives with each other. I am not always sure where this desire has come from, I think that its developed over time and gotten stronger as I have grown older and journeyed a bit closer to His heart. Am I cheating myself and my friends though of relationships that they are to be sharing with the person that they end up with?

I have no answers for those questions. I want them because I want to know how I am supposed to love and care for those around me. Risking heart ache and being vulnerable aren't easy, sharing your heart with someone requires courage. But we all long for it. I know I do, anyway.

So I will keep pondering, trusting, and loving.