dreams, passions, callings...

While preparing for the confirmation class that V and I are leading, I found myself challenged. This specific lesson is on callings, based off of God's calling Moses and then the excuses that Moses offered God. The workbook as a place for the students to write about their passions, spiritual gifts, and personality. In preparing I did the workbook questions in my own personal journal. What poured from my heart challenged me, surprised me, and leaves me wondering what God is up to. This is what came from the pen held in my hand, I call it, the words of my heart.

My passions as of late, which in time have been developing, are children and horses. If I had no restrictions of time or money, the group of people or the cause that I would chose to work with are foster children. I want to give them a home, love, and nurture. I want to use horses as a means of therapeutic love for them. In the perfect world, I would have a home full of children needing a home and a barn full of horses needing rehabilitation. Giving both horses and children the safety and nurture that they need.

My beloved V would say that I am passionate about my faith, broken people, horses, the country and farms, family, and children.

My Spiritual gifts, according to a inventory taken both in college and recently, say that my spiritual gifts are:
Shepherding
Teaching
Showing Mercy
How the three of these will combine, I am not sure.

My personality is one that loves people. I enjoy the interactions of relationships and long to learn how to love people better. I like a good balance of relationships and stimulation intellectually. I love to learn and am best to be around when I am learning something in my life (which is rather easy because aren't we all students?). I love leading, and organizing. I like to write things out: goals, lesson plans, or creating curriculum.

In the end, this is how my passions, personality, and dreams were summed up:

My passion is for the country. For farms, fields, dirt, horses, grass, and the community of rural people. I want to raise children in this kind of place, where they can run, roam, and rest. I want to give kids who have seen neglect, abuse, or have just not known the reality of love, the opportunity to be in a safe and caring place - where they can learn to dream, thrive, and be fully alive.

These words came to my mind as I shaped this dream in my head: Simplicity,good nutrition, gardening, relationships with animals and people, reading, education, play, rest, books, saddles and bridles, freshly baked bread, the twinkling of stars, and the sound of peepers on a spring night.

This is not what I had imagined for myself ten years ago, but I feel inspired and motivated to continue to pursue the dreams that God has laid out for my V and I.

Settling In

Tonight was my first night making pizza for dinner. I had helped Mom before but never done it on my own. So I was determined tonight to make homeade veggie pizza. It turned out really well and Vince liked it, so I would say it was a success.

I had a job interview today that I think went pretty well. I am anxious to hear from them how it went and if I have the job or not. I am learning more of what it means to be still and wait. As hard as it may be, I hope that it is teaching me of a deeper and abiding joy found in the presence of Christ.

My heart yearns for the country. I wonder sometimes when this will ever go away, will I always long for the country? Where my toes can sink into the garden while I weed away the things that threaten the food I am growing, where I can come home at night smelling like a bunch of horses, when I can teach the children who need me, and finally when I can share dinner my own family. I try to silence these thoughts, to push away my desire to be in the place where my roots go so deep. But they persist in coming back... Someday land of by being, I will be back home.

Gratitude

There is much happening in our ordinary life. As soon as I think that transition is over, it occurs again. Change brings amazing new and beautiful things. But along with it comes pain and trial. My heart is learning to be still and wait upon the creator of all things, to trust in his faithfulness when all else is crazy, and lean on his wisdom.

Today I am grateful for:

Beautiful sunshine that fills the day with warmpth after a few days of cold rain.

The taste of coffee after so long of not being able to drink it.

Mornings that start with spending time in quiet in His presence with books by Peterson and Rauschenbush.

Pens that write smoohly and spill out the contents of my heart on a journal page, thus giving me peace.

The smell of things just cleaned.

Catching Up

With a cup of earl gray tea steaming from its mug sitting next to me on the table, I am going to take a minute to fill you in on the happenings within our lives.

The last few weeks have been the beginings of a life together, times of frustration and adjusting, as well as times of laughter and joy. We have enjoyed looking through the pictures of the wedding that have been posted on facebook and look forward to the pictures yet to come. We have encountered great generousity in opening the gifts and cards from all of our friends!

The pictures that are posted are from our honeymoon, at the bed and breakfast that we stayed at and then a picture of hiking the grand canyon.

And this is from the beautiful PA Grand Canyon that we were able to hike part of one day!

So begins this new life....

It was a beautiful. All that we could have hoped and imagined. The occasion was joyous. We were surrounded by faithful friends who had traveled from far and near. We were met with parents who offered us their love and support. Words can't explain it all today so I am going to post a few pictures that our photographer, Rodney Cool took.

We are currently on our honeymoon. Vince is still sleeping soundly. Its been a really nice time away, we are in Wellsboro, PA which is close to the PA Grand Canyon. Were staying at a french bed and breakfast in the middle of town, I have pictures on the camera but not uploaded yet. Soon to come.

After the wedding, I've been thinking about the relation of Christ to the church - the sacred marriage that forever brings together Christ and His people. From the moment of walking down the asile, to the first dance, where I was held in the arms of my beloved, to the joy found in the fellowshipping of the people I can't help but think about the great marriage feast. What we tasted in our wedding was only the beginning of something which will be much greater when we are celebrating our marriage to the lamb.

And so, as I make vows to my husband, to be his loyal companion and lover until death. I too renew the vows to Christ, my Savior and my God. I give myself to him again, promising my heart to be his and walking in his ways.

Finally...

Another season has almost begun. Have you ever ventured out on a day right before spring, its when the winter has almost passed but spring still hasn't fully come. I stepped outside the other morning and I could smell spring in the air. It smelled new, fresh, clean, and of sunshine. The time between the seasons is symbolic of the season that I am in. Its this few days of just waiting, settling in, and letting all the preperation work its way out.

My heart beats in anticipation of what is to come. I look forward to the weekend spent with friends and family, the time celebrating this beautiful friendship that has turned into a lasting love, and the beauty of begining a marriage. Our home is in the midst of being settled. I have left the waiting boxes and the muddy floors beaconing to be cleaned to settle my soul.

The soft yellow walls invite the feelings of comfort and peace, the windows let in the sunshine and the spirit of cheerfulness; creating this place that we begin to call home. Sitting at a desk, surrounded by the books that have been my friends for years, having the pictures of my smiling friends and majestic horses, create in me the settledness that I have missed these last few months. The candles await their lighting and the mugs in the cuboard are asking to be filled with coffee and tea. This is our home. Our sanctuary. Our place of rest. Slowness in a chaotic world. Community in a world bent of being individual.

And I just can't wait to begin in the wonder of this ordinary life.

A Distant Music Begining to Swell

It stood, still in the bag that had kept it clean and away from the dust, dirt, and moths that had been ready to attack its beauty. It was stark, glimmering in the light, awaiting my presence. But I wasn't ready to go to it yet, not ready to put all the folds of beauty upon my body. I wanted to wait awhile, just gazing and beholding what would wrap itself around me when I met my beloved.



I moved towards it, tiptoeing across the floor, reaching my hand out towards it and brushing across the ivory fabric. Finally I was ready to put all the folds of satin on. Lifting my arms, the dress slipped onto my body, I squirmed until it fit itself in the correct spot. I lifted my blue eyes, soft with wonder, to the mirror and smiled at what I saw. This was a hint, a taste of what my beloved might see the afternoon that waited ahead of us in anticipation. This simple, but elegant dress made me smile from head to toe. I felt beautiful, exquisite, and ready to meet the one I loved.

I wondered what my beloved would think. What would his eyes behold when we saw me for the very first time? When my steps made their way down the aisle of the church, what thoughts would be going through his head? Would he see the beauty of the dress in the same way that I had? Would the folds of satin and sheer enrapture him, like it had done to me when I saw it for the very first time?


As the seamstress wove her hand through the material, adjusting the length and the fabric, pinning things here and there, I found myself continuing to think about this dress. All of this thinking and dreaming, trying on and seeing how it fit brought me to a great field of thoughts. It was as if in the moments of trying on this wedding dress that I was in fact trying on my new life, if only for just a minute. I kept thinking about what my beloved would see, think, and feel as we entered into this life together. As these adjustments were made, I reflected upon the last few months of transitions and preparations for this life to come. Like the seamstress pinning, tucking, and letting out, my beloved and I were making adjustments in our own lives. Learning each others quirks and then letting them be, seeing the needs that we had and then letting them be met, laughing as we reflected, dreamed, and hoped for the future.



I sighed, enjoying the last minute with the dress before I had to take it back and return it for the last few changes before our afternoon of celebration. Excitement rippled through me. Another step in the process of growing closer to my beloved. I had an opportunity to catch just a glimpse of what the future might be like with the one I loved. Like my dress, it was not perfect, it had to be hemmed, taken in, and let out in different places to fit me. Our life too would have to transition and change as we began to live our life together. Together, my dress and my reflections held promises of great things to come...