I spent the weekend away again. Seeing my sister and her beautiful little baby. The baby is precious. I got to hold her for quite awhile, well, every chance that my sister would let me have her. At one point I was holding her, laying on the couch because I was really sleepy and figured that I would take a nap. Anyhow, I just watched her for a little bit and babies are incredible. She is so tiny, but everything is perfect. She has these long fingers that seem to long for her body and this tiny nose that is just adorable. I am gushing, I know but I can't help it. This baby is beautiful and cuddling her makes me realize just how much I love kids. They are some of the most precious gifts that are given on this earth.

The rest of the weekend I got to spend catching up with friends. Always a good thing, but this time it was bittersweet. Its hard to reconnect and then have to disconnect. I am not really sure what God's plan is in all this. I think its leading to something but I am not sure what that is. I just want to remain aware of how he is working, leading, and pruning so I can see his presence in my life.

How much do you involve yourself in someone's life? How much do you invest in a person and do you only let one person get really close to you? All of these questions have come up in the last couple of days in different discussions that are had and I am so torn on this. My instict is to love. I want to love people with all that I am. I know its not really my love, but the love of Christ flowing through me but I want to be able to effectively love people. In the book that I was reading, An Arrow Pointed to Heaven it talks about loving people so that you develop the ability to see beyond the first layer in people. Pass the "I am doing good" answer to what is really going on in their lives. I want to know my friends, not just their names and what they like to eat, drink, and watch but to know their hearts. To know their joys, sorrows, and the things that you want to share with people but most of the time you keep hidden deep inside. Is this overstepping the bounds that humans are supposed to take? Can I be able to mantain good friendships with both guys and girls knowing their hearts?

I think that I can. My desire is to love those around me and be able to care about them, to let them know a piece of Christ as we share our lives with each other. I am not always sure where this desire has come from, I think that its developed over time and gotten stronger as I have grown older and journeyed a bit closer to His heart. Am I cheating myself and my friends though of relationships that they are to be sharing with the person that they end up with?

I have no answers for those questions. I want them because I want to know how I am supposed to love and care for those around me. Risking heart ache and being vulnerable aren't easy, sharing your heart with someone requires courage. But we all long for it. I know I do, anyway.

So I will keep pondering, trusting, and loving.