Thursday, July 29, 2010

Expectation

I press my hand to my stomach in the same way that a pregnant Mother might be feeling the baby kick inside her. I don't press to feel a child but to feel the sense of expectancy within my being. Just as a storm brews before the thunder starts clapping, my senses tell me that change is on its way. I can feel its breeze blowing through my soul restlessly, reminding me that stagnation is not a place to remain in. It swirls around me when I sit quietly in my familiar easy chair with a cup of coffee in hand, as my pen writes the words of my soul, I can hear the change that is ready to spring from the words into action. As my hands knead the bread that will nourish our bodies, strengthening then for the tasks that might be at hand, I see how I am awaiting the transformation like the dough I am kneading awaits its transformation into a formed loaf. All around me I sense this change, waiting to spring into my life and make all things new.

Simone Weil, an ancient mystic once wrote that “Waiting patiently in expectation is the foundation of the Spiritual life.” As I penned these words into my journal only a few days ago, I pondered their meaning, marveling that words penned so long ago would be true in my life right now in this time and this place. I realized that I waited like an expectant Mother who is nearing the time of her child's birth. The same joy that wells within the heart of a Mother at the thought of meeting this child that she has carried within her for nine months, wells within my soul at the hope of what is to come.

Dreams which have been dreamed for years before this time rise up within my soul again. What I had thought was broken into bits to small to piece back together, suddenly rises up, crushed but not broken. In many ways there is fear within this change involving dreams of the past, how can I trust the author of them to be good when I have seen them bring disappointment and sorrow? As a Mother faces the unknown of what the birth and delivery of her child into the world, we to face this newness, this change, with a sense of fear. We have yet to see its path, it is uncharted, our feet do not know where the roots and holes are. Sometimes we must stumble into them before we know where they are.

Together, a friend and I pondered the unknown change that might be in front of us. Unknown futures and plans lie before us in their mysterious way. We realize that the world around us might think that we are crazy as we make decisions to make way for this change. We seek not only the company of each other, but the company of one who has journeyed through the deepest places of the unknown. Our Pilgrim guide promises to walk beside us the entire way, shining his light so that we might not stumble on the roots or holes on the path. He promises and is faithful.

Like a young Mother journeying into the path of parenthood, we too journey into the sea of the unknown, trusting our guide to lead us. We might face some stormy waters, but the sights we are to see and the beauty we are to behold will sweep upon us in ordinary ways. And so we journey onward, with the restless change soft breeze upon our faces.