Excuses

I sit down to write finally. I seem to have found every excuse in the box to not write today. There was laundry that needed to be done, children that needed attended to, or a seemingly endless list of other things that needed my attention. I realize though that its not as much ignoring the other things that need my attention as it is me putting off writing. Why do I do this? I love writing, I love the way that words just flow from my heart, to my head, and then onto paper. Why do I dread the process of writing. Then I realize why.

Its because writing requires work. Hard and laborious work. I have to be present in the moment, aware of all that is going on in my life and in the lives around me. My heart needs to stop swirling in chaos and just settle, listen, and then begin processing. On days like today, its easier to pop in a movie, iron bunches of clothes, and stay tuned out.

Tuning myself out has been a task that I have accomplished quite well in the last few weeks. In the process of moving, re-adjusting, and all the newness that has been in life, I have tuned out the needs that I should be allowing God to meet in me. The rhythm of life that I long to have has not been fully established yet, so because of that my struggle with chaos is great. In the middle of that chaotic battle, I find it easier to just tune out to myself and ultimately to God. When in fact this is not only what he has called me to (this time and this place) but he wants to move in me through the process of change. If I am tuning him out, then I am shutting out any form of transformation that wants to enter into my life.